thrash talk

It's funny how our mind works. It's funny how our emotion reacts to our nerves.
Those days that triggers my memories. Those days that triggers my emotions.
How i wish it could stop repeating itself on my mind. How i  wish those dreams will stop coming to me every time i close my eyes.



i just want to voice out. Those words were what i wanted to say but unfortunately, i can't. I can't say it out much less voice it out.  Those feelings were bottled up inside me. Many asked me to let it all out but i can't. I just cant't. Every words i want to say or voice it out, will only triggers my eyes to tears up. And then tears will start to flow right out from my eyes and people will see my tears dripping from my face.  Maybe cause i kept it in ever since I've been shutting myself out from my own circle. The reason i shut myself out was truth was not justice for me. It seems like when children speaks of the truth, it's just a story telling session to the adults. And to me, it isn't fair.

Whenever i see an uncle around my neighborhood, i would always without fail will hear young teenagers calling out and shouting and even giving the looks of disgust and the look of annoyed towards the uncle. All of them keep on giving that look which indicates that the uncle has a screw loose up on his head. He's always half naked and wears shades on his eyes while riding his bike. Without fail, he would buy a beer or so and talks to himself. People thought that he's crazy and wild just because of his appearance and talking alone. But little did they know, he's like us. A normal being. How would i know..?
I talked to him a lot of times whenever i sees him around. He'd always say hi and waved his hands to me. He's not a crazy old person. He's not even what the people around my neighborhood claims he is. He's a normal being and it's just his way of being like that. I'm sure all of us must have been acting weird in a way people thought we're crazy but we thought it was fine. So why are you teenagers giving him those verbal attacks..? What did he do to you guys that you guys would disturb him when he's not even bothering you guys..?
Would you guys like it if he were to attack you guys with a can thrown to you guys and then run away like a coward..?
This goes to the teenagers who loves to disturb these people.



I will forgive but i will never forget. Once bitten, twice the shy. You know who you are.

thrashtalk

sigh

whaddya want from me?

I don't know who to trust, to listen to anymore. It's like all of my surroundings are filled with strangers and just strangers.
Tell me. Who should i trust the most? Besides God of course.

I'll just leave everything to Allah. Since He's the one who knows what's going through my mind and heart.
I can't lie. It's my disadvantage. But please don't take my disadvantage as your advantage.

Im tired. Im seriously am.
I can't wait for my attachment to start.

Im not mad at anyone. Im mad at myself.
For being a soft-hearted. For being a fool towards lots of things.
Im such a klutz. Im not perfect. I have my mistakes.
And im mad at myself for that. I pissed off with myself.

I really feel like deleting away my social medias. Facebook, twitter and others. But guess what?
I can't. It seems like a girl like me can't seem to get away from new technologies etc.

Cut things short.
I spent my first few days of October with friends. I went to Salvation Army to get some stuff. Bought a dress and a jacket since i don't own one. The next day went and watch Annabelle. Scare the heck put of me for the past half an hour.
But it was awesome.
Tiring and yet awesome. Fun.

For now, i just wanna stay at home and finish reading my book. I just wanna stay at home.
Why is it that i'm such an easy target to get hurt?
sigh.
*rolls eyes*
Can i just go for an adventure instead? Get rid all these negativity aura that surrounds me? I wanna go museum- hopping, or just go for a hiking. Or just a random walk down that road or path that leads to a secret place.

Randomly update.

*RANDOM*

I'm loving my best cuddly Donald Duck plush!

I had it since young and i used to dump it somewhere in my room, but then i recently fell in love with it and decided to bring it back onto my bed.
=)

Plus some teddy bears for accompanying me throughout my stressful and dreadful long hours.
*studying etc*

So here's my miniature of a teddy and donald duck.! =)

The most favorite of all..

I don't care what other people says cause, to me they're precious.
But when it gets so much hassle, then i'll have to donate/throw them away.


Currently waiting for results..!
yikes!

Can i be more happier? =)

Okay..
Maybe some of my friends think i' m just lying to myself, but i am happy!
Just the way i am!
Not because i follow what people want me to be.!

And boy,  was glad that today you never texted me.
Because, mister, i don't give a damn about relationship right now.
I care about my family, and my studies plus my friends.
I don't mind being friends like you, but i just realized that all of my friends texted me like twice,thrice a week.Not everyday like you!
So now, that you've stop all this, i can say that i am damn happy as if i could bounce off the clouds that i've been to.!
=))
I want freedom not tightness that been held because of this.
And boy, i damn happy urh!
The most important thing that i need to do for now is to study hard and get to what i really want!
=)
hopefully i can! =D
I don't wanna think about relationships etc because, i have parents that i have to take care first.
And to have a boyfriend, means i have to sacrifice..
I don't want to sacrifice first.
I wanna enjoy freedom as a student, and a teenager. =B
=)
So, for now, i don't care!
Study,study,study@!

I don't shop so, to save up money is always in my mind. =)
I tend to do papercrafts whenever im stressed..
And, i tends to blast up my music to my earpiece and put them into my ears whenever im pissed off, angry, stressed, or just to make myself inspired. =) it's kinda weird right?
Hm... yup.! I'm weird!
And im proud to be so! haha!
Okay, science blog will be dead if i did not update it right?
Gonna update now!!
Bubbye!!

Hey!
Guess what?!!
Today got Class test 2!!!
yikes!

Still need to do lots of stuff.

Yesterday must do reflection and to be honest, i lied to myself.
I don't know how i did it..
I think i lied to my teacher as well..
Because, during the reflection period, all of my group mates are going over me and wanted to see how i ranked them etc.
In the end, i wrote that they did a lot of work and we can communicate.
I lied to myself again!
sigh..
And now, about the presentation, i have to do for them also.
Report i have to summarized it again.
I did the whole thing but .........
sigh....

it's hard to communicate with them.
plus, it's even harder for them to understand me.

people thought i don't have any problems but i do!

Do you know that i'msick of sitting at home doing all the chores?!
I can't even sit down to use a computer for half an hour!
I just switched on the computer, my mom told me to do this and that.
By the time i wanna use the computer, my sister will be home .
And then, whenever i watched tv, my mom will ask me to go to the kitchen and wash the dishes.
It's like a routine given to me.
Other people can wake up late as they want.
But for me i can't!
Before 8 am i must be up doing something.
If not, my mom will nagged and nagged.
And it's annoying!!
Because, you can't fight back!
Because she's your mother!
It's hard!
God!
I'm tired!
OMG!!
Aren't you tired of nagging?
For goodness sake's !
I have a class test today!
Im suppose to study yesterday night!
But no!
You told me to do chores and chores!
Im your daughter not your maid!
=(
f**** you!
Im not a robot!
Im not a machine!
Fcku you!
_______________________________________________________________________________
And, please talk in english!
I can't understand a word when you're talking in other language!
Can you please at least learn?
And stop playing around  when we're serious!
=(