The only way that i could make use of this time is just to focus on things that are happening right now.

Hey you.
You know who you are. i know that was probably a surprise text you had received from me. I can't deny that i really want my future to be with you. But yet at the same time, i'm looking at the current situation right now. You know what i meant right? Soulmate and death is all in God's hand i know. Fate. Destiny. I know... But as much as i want to ignore all that. My parents. They're not getting younger . They're getting older and as harsh as it may seems, they are not going to live forever you know. Right now, i'm just following the flow. Whatever happens, happens. But please. Don't ever give up on me. On us. You've made the promise. You know what you promised me. The songs that you've written, does it not have any meanings to what your heart is saying? Prove to me that you can do that. Prove to me that you mean what you say.  I know you. I know you're not the type who gives up easily. Are you tired of me ? Are you? Let me know what i can change for better. Don't leave me hanging for a moment and ended up we're both at our ends and ended up argue. I would be lying if we don't argue and in relationships won't have any arguments. Don't you think we should meet up and talk instead of text? Honestly, the feeling of not being able to text you and you being on my mind really sucks. Sucks to the core. Trying hard to focus on other things like reading through my notes and do some other stuff and yet whenever there is a pause, you'd be appearing in my mind. I'm giving you time to think it thoroughly. I'm still here for you to talk to me. Think about the future. Think financially and stability. I know there'll be struggles and hardships but heck, whichever relationships that doesn't go through that shits? Just to let you know, i miss you. This morning, woke up and realizing what happen and not being able to text you due to in need of giving you the time to think thoroughly. Just lying around in bed lazing and snoozing due to rainy weather. Afternoon pass by as fast as it could. I kept myself busy with organizing my stuff and reading and playing games. Towards the evening, that's when it hits me. I did not texted you the whole day. And when i think about it, it sucks really. Only God knows how much I've missed you. This feeling. This emotions that i'm feeling right now just makes me feel like running away. Running away from all this reality. But dear self, can i run away from my fate and destiny?

rant/thrashtalk..?

July,
Within a month, I've lost 2-3 person that I'm closed with. Can i just say that July is just another bittersweet memory month..?

July.
The season of Hari Raya this year.
What an eye opener for me to see how many ignorant people there are.
Sadly to say,  I am one of those ignorant.
Seeking forgiveness on the start of the day seems impossible for me.

I'm being disrespect..?
How bout you?
Those words and replies you've thrown to someone who's older than you.
The one who keep on defending for you despite the fact that you're wrong.
Despite the fact you're the eldest and yet you're acting like my age here.
That person still defends you and loved you.

The fight and arguments that we've faced today.
I  find it funny though cause you're the one who's being disrespectful here. And me, in my position have the rights to shout at you as a sister cause you, being the eldest just don't get it do you?
For all those words that you've said to our parents, do you even think twice..?
You don't. I shouted at you just once today. And all you did was giving me a stare and a shocked.
Who's being a victim here? You or me? You accuse me of being disrespectful. But how do you expect me to respect someone that never had any respect for parents.?
So now, I'm telling you. Think of what you've said to Mum and Dad. Let those voices run through your mind. Let those scenarios playing through your head.
I  had enough of your nonsense. You've been looking down on me ever since I've graduated from secondary school.
You were never proud of me. Not once. Cause in your eyes, i was never perfect.