2023 thrashtalk

 who are you really?

you weren't there when i needed you

you weren't there when we needed you

but all of  a sudden.. when we're having the best moment of our lives, you've appeared out of nowhere.

am i suppose to get these chills?

am i suppose to get these feelings?

a day of uninterrupted moments and a day of a full rest with no one to disturb to. just a day.

what happens if im gone?

i mean what happens after i'm gone?

my passion and my workload does not tally.

if it's not about my passion, i won't do this.

i probably won't stay any longer than this. With your kind of attitude no i won't. 

to you i know nothing but trust me, for heaven's sake and Go's sake, i've known and i've known people who played this kind of game won't last long. 

Sooner or later it will go down to the drain.

 i dont wanna lose control and end it like how it did for you.

i dont wanna give up and end it all like that

dear god, i'm starting to lose my faith and i dont want that to happen. 

there has been alot of confusion nowadays with people spreading rumors that spreads fast like a plague. which is real and which is fake im starting to confuse. 

sometimes i miss the old me, the one that always cheerful, the one that no matter what will smile. i miss those times. 

 Tell me what should i do?

for life does not comes with an instructions neither do love.

there will always be trials and errors.

if only the power of gender does not exists. if only gender equality exists in my family.

i wish age restriction does not exist

i wish that body image does not exist

in this world of society, body image, suicide, depression is a trend. don't you think it trigger that sensitivity in you?

i don't know why, but part of me is feeling dumb, for the fact that i didn't manage to explore the outside world when i was younger. 

didn't know what life is like.

always been stuck at home and in the kitchen after school

don't rebel when i was in my teens. technically i didn't get into troubles when i was in my teens.

but that dumb feeling though, it lingers upon my mind, my heart.

dearest uncle, where are you though?

Each day that i get the opportunity, i went and look out for you. but you weren't there. 

been avoiding some circle of friends, relatives. 

not because i don't like them, it's just that i don't wanna be asked the same question over and over again.

maybe its just me. im getting old. getting sensitive. haha

i miss you,

i really do,

i miss your laughs and your wise words,

i'll see you soon alrights.

the promises that i've promised, will still be with me. i won't forget

grateful

 grateful

gratitude

these two are the only things that i look forward to each day nowadays. 

most people are lacking these two values. 

not only the younger ones but also the older ones too.

that's sad though.

Dear Self,

 Dear self, 

it is okay to let people go.

it is okay to fail.

it is okay to cry.

sometimes we need to cry ourselves dry out so that we can feel other feelings.

crying does not mean that we've lost.

Dear self, 

it is okay for that person to think of you.

it does not matter what people think of you as you do you.

you know you got this.

you know your intentions.

let their tongues wag as you get back on your feet.

no matter how long it takes, you will heal.

Dear self,

be more confident.

till when do you need to hide in the shadows and being in silence?

the more you give in, the more they will step ahead over you.

but dear self, don't forget that you're a human being.

you still got feelings.

you still need your space

you still need to let everything out.

Dear self, the memories that you had will soon fade away in God's hands. 

Dear self, being hurt is indeed a normal thing to you now.

Dear self, get out there and have more fun.

Dear self, get to know more people 

Dear self, it is okay not to be okay.

Honestly, being an adult is tough but you can get through this.

Love, 

Your self.

Hello November

 hi. it's probably not long since i've posted right..?

tipu kalau cakap tak rindu.

tipu juga kalau cakap tak sayang.

i can't be selfish can i? the love that i've given and the love that you've given can't seem to be erased from my memories. 

the thought of disappearing off from this Earth is really just there but if you were to think back, it's not worth of doing it. 

keep on telling myself to continue to live and move on but the more im doing it, the harder it seems.

it started off with the items, followed by the clothes. followed by the photos. Photos can be deleted but the memories, the places are all intact in my mind, my head and worst is my heart. Forgetting is really hard.

Getting hurt seems like a normal nowadays. 

Lekaslah baik wahai bumi, kuingin bawa diriku jauh dari sini. Walau hanya seketika..